12. You Only Get One Senior Year

You Only Get One Senior Year

“We only get one Senior Year, and I’m not going to let anybody take that experience away from me. You shouldn’t either. You deserve better than that.” – Megan Alba Biel
She was right. I was letting silly things get in the way of me fully enjoying my Senior year. I promised her I wouldn’t let that happen anymore, and I did my best to follow through.
Not long after Christmas break was over, auditions for the spring musical were coming up and I decided to try out. I sat out the previous year’s musical due to my own insecurities and “creative differences” with our Choir director. “Creative Differences” are just a nice way of saying that I didn’t really want to spend anymore extra time around him than I had to.
Every year I would audition in hopes of making it into “Scotland Singers”. It was an ‘audition only’ choir group that got to go on a lot of fun trips and perform. In my eyes it was the pinnacle of success in chorus (and I wonder why I wasn’t more popular in High School?).
There were two different levels of the HS chorus, and at that time, singing was the only thing I felt I was any good at. So naturally I figured I would get into SS fairly easily. I was wrong. Instead, I was elected to perform in “Concert Choir”. It was basically the choir where all of the folks who didn’t make SS auditions wound up. I have never really liked being second best at anything, especially things that I felt I was good in. But regardless, I failed the auditions every year, leaving me feeling down about myself and the entire process. In my eyes, the chorus teacher made it more of a popularity contest than a true audition process. Not to say that ones who made it in didn’t deserve their spots, I just felt many were overlooked and not chosen due to their social standing.
Finally however, toward the end of my junior year, I auditioned for the last time… and I GOT IN! The sense of pride and accomplishment made me feel really good about myself.
I told the teacher thank you for giving me the opportunity to be in the group.
Instead of telling me how much I had improved..
Or he was proud of me…
Or even congratulations…
He simply stared at his papers on his desk without looking at me and said -
“It’s always easier to make it into Scotland Singers when you’re a senior.”
It shouldn’t have been too big of a surprise as he never escaped the chance to make a joke at my expense to the rest of the class. He loved to make himself look better by belittling others, including me. I can’t tell you how many times I left his class feeling low about myself. That is to be expected by some of your classmates, but never by a teacher.
I realize it was just a silly High School Choir, and certainly wasn’t the coolest thing to strive for, but it was something I wanted badly. All I really wanted out of that conversation was an Atta Boy, or Good job, or at least” We’re happy to have you”. But I didn’t get it. What I did get however, was a very important lesson in life.
Sometimes no matter how talented you may be, or how hard you work, you still might never get a shot at doing what you really feel like you have earned. Even more so, sometimes when you finally do get granted your chance, it can be bittersweet. He also taught me that people in power can play favorites sometimes, simply …because they can.
All that being said, and getting back to my point…. I decided to look past all of that, and audition for the Spring Musical. We were doing ‘Oklahoma’ that year. I had figured out by now that I had no chance of getting the lead, but I really didn’t care (Jason got one of the leads, and did a much better job than I could have ever done.) I got a supporting small part with a few lines and no solos. A few years back that would have bothered me, but not this time. I chose to do the play so I could hang out with my friends in Drama one last time before graduation, and hopefully have some fun and make some memories.
The show was a much larger production than in previous years, and we wound up with a much larger cast than usual. Many spots were filled by folks who had not been in any plays in the past. Many of which were popular kids. That kind of intimidated me slightly, as I wondered how I would fit in to the new dynamic of people. I was so worried they weren’t going to like me. That they would make fun of me, or laugh at me behind my back. Ultimately, I was afraid that the addition of some of the ‘in crowd’ kids would make me feel like an outcast inside of my own circle of peers.
Within a few rehearsals, all of those worries were left behind as I found myself bonding with some of the same kids I found so untouchable all of the years before. It is amazing how an after school activity such as a school play, sports, yearbook, etc can make all social status’ become closer. We all worked as a team and became somewhat of a small family over the few months we were together. It was by far my favorite experience in a play to date. And the after party once all of the performances were over, was legendary… that’s all I’ll say about that.
On top of all of my new friends I made, I felt like I got the chance to reconnect with Jason and let some of the final bitterness go that I had felt from earlier in the year regarding Katie. Bygones were indeed bygones, and we went back to being friends like we had been so many years before.
I have to admit, there was a part of me that wished that Megan Alba Biel had been there to be a part of it all. But honestly, if she had been.. I don’t know if I would have been able to make myself so comfortable around so many people whom I saw on a daily basis, but yet were still strangers in so many ways. Of all of the plays I did in high school (including the couple I had bigger parts in), ‘Oklahoma’ was the only one that I kept the script from. I keep it as a reminder of how great life can be when you let your guard down a bit, and let people in… even if it does seem a little scary at the time.
We did numerous shows, and each time I looked out into the audience hoping to see Megan Alba Biel. I realized she wasn’t probably going to fall for me while I was in FULL ON DRAMA GEEK MODE. I hoped she would see me trying to make the most of my senior year, and trying harder to enjoy every last minute of it.
The minutes were indeed counting down, and I had Senior Prom to look forward to. Up until a few months prior, I hadn’t really anticipated on going. After all of the drama (pardon the pun) that went into my previous year’s Prom night, I had decided not to go. But life was a little sweeter for me as my Senior year wound down and I decided I would consider going. If for no other reason than trying to make the most out of my last few days of High School.
The only problem was… I didn’t have a date.
That would all change with a phone call from Tank Sherman – The Morning Guy at Mix 96 (the Radio station I worked for and spent the majority of my time at).